Love should not hurt!
I am sharing my story of domestic violence in hopes that you will find the strength to leave your abusive partner and seek healing. Love does not hurt. Love does not give you a black eye. Love does not destroy your self-worth. My abusive ex-husband and I started dated when I was only 16 years old and he was in his early twenties. My family tried everything in their power to keep him away from me, but I could not see the evil they saw in him. He spoiled me and made me feel like a princess, I eventually moved out of my mom’s house and moved in with him. Soon after, I dropped out of school and the verbal and physical abuse started.
The beatings were severe and at times unbearable. I remember when he struck me to the ground and chucked me until I passed out. I woke up and he was in a panic thinking he had killed me and was figuring how he was going to cover up his crime. You are probably thinking I left him, after that near death experience. Unfortunately, fear had me paralyzed, I was too afraid to leave him. So, I stayed quiet, pretended that everything was okay and lied about many black and blue bruises. I suffered in silence and began self-harming by cutting my wrist. I wanted the abuse to end and if he did not kill me, I was going to kill myself. When I turned 18 years old we got married at the courthouse without telling my family. I later found out that he married me thinking I would get him his citizenship. As they say “God don’t like ugly” he never received his USA citizenship and eventually had to move to Canada. I followed him hoping things would get better and that the beatings would stop. Instead, it got worst, I was completely isolated without family and friends in a foreign country. I went through seven miscarriages and was ridiculed by his family for being unable to carry the children. The miscarriages were heartbreaking; however, I am grateful that I did not have any children with him.
How did I escape? On the day he received his permanent residency in Canada he said to me after 11 years of dealing with his crazy ass, “you can go back to your mom’s house now, in fact I will buy you your plane ticket right now. I do not need you anymore.” Out of all the mental and physical abuse he put me through. The above statement hurt the most and it woke me up to the reality that if I did not leave this man he will kill me. I got a job and saved all of my money for months, secretly rented an apartment and when the moment was right. I gathered my belongs and left him. I wish I could say that was the end of story. He eventually found out where I was living and broke into my apartment. I came home and found him in my apartment wearing my security uniform with a harmer and a utility knife in his hands. Thank God my friend was with me that day, when he saw her with me he froze. I am guessing he was not up to killing two people that day. After all those years of abuse I never called the police on him. I was too afraid and did not want him to go to jail. After this incident he finally went to jail and even though I was too afraid to press charges, the city attorney did. His family was so upset that he was arrested that they cursed me out and threatened my life. It is unfortunate how victims are sometimes persecuted by the abusers’ family. After, he went to jail he left me alone and never brother me again.
Today, I am blessed with two beautiful daughters that are simply amazing and they rock my world. I am happily married to my handsome Caribbean husband, who is kind and caring. I am so blessed to be alive, and I give all the glory to God for saving me and I thank God for my family that never give up on me. In my book I will share the details of all the hell I endured for 11 years. If you are in an abusive relationship, PLEASE get help and get out NOW. You cannot change or help your abusive partner. Again, love does not hurt. Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW NEEDS HELP
There are people who can help you 24-hours a day.
If you are in immediate danger: Call 9-1-1
If you are experiencing domestic abuse: 24-hour Family Violence Helpline – 403-234-SAFE (7233)
If you have been sexually assaulted: 24-hour Sexual Violence Support and Information – 403-237-5888
(Toll Free: 1-877-237-5888)
To report domestic violence or sexual violence: Calgary Police Service Non-Emergency Line – 403-266-1234
For a collection of helpful links – connectline.ca