FINDING JOY IN FORGIVENESS

People often ask me why I seem to carry an unshakable joy or why a smile is seemingly ever-present on my face. My journey through life has taught me that in the face of suffering and childhood trauma, one can either choose to remain in a state of sorrow, anger, unforgiveness, and shame, or decide to lean on the God of hope who transforms despair into joy.

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My early years were scarred by a heart-wrenching event. My stepfather, a man we cherished and revered, tragically ended his life before our very eyes. This single moment shattered the stability of our family life, hurling us into a spiral of hardship and turmoil. The repercussions were immediate and harsh—our community whispered false accusations against my mother, challenging her integrity and our family's cohesion.

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In the wake of his death, our financial security crumbled. My mother, now a single parent, struggled to maintain normalcy while battling grief and economic hardship. We moved schools frequently, each transition a stark reminder of our unstable circumstances. At home, despite Mommy's best efforts to provide for and protect us, she often had to work multiple jobs to make ends meet. Consequently, we were often left in the care of less-than-kind babysitters whose negligence added to our burdens.

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Amidst this chaos, the church stood as a beacon of hope and stability. I found solace in its welcoming arms, a place where the turmoil of my external world was met with calm and understanding. Engaging deeply with church activities was not only a respite but also a strategic choice—I believed that being seen as a devout churchgoer might shield me from the judgment and pity of others if they ever learned about my traumatic past.

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As I grew, I mastered the art of wearing a mask of perfection, a facade crafted to hide my inner scars. For years, I barred myself from shedding tears, focusing instead on embodying an image of flawlessness. But this facade was exhausting to maintain. My pivotal moment of change came when I truly embraced faith, learning that I did not have to be perfect. It was a profound realization that the shame I carried was a burden placed upon me, not one I had to accept.

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God's grace ushered me into the path of forgiveness. This journey was transformative, teaching me that forgiving those who had inadvertently hurt us during our most vulnerable moments was not just an act of mercy towards them but a liberation for myself. Through forgiveness, I was released from the chains of past pains, able to move forward with a lighter heart and a clearer mind.

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Now, I advocate for the power of forgiveness, often discussing its importance in healing and emotional freedom. Unforgiveness is a binding force, holding one captive in an emotional prison from which only forgiveness can provide escape. My story, marked by both despair and deliverance, underscores a simple truth: genuine joy springs from the well of forgiveness, a well that never runs dry.